nostalgic

hello reader(s)!

for some reason i suddenly feel like i am missing someone terribly terribly much... but the funny thing is, i don't know who this person is or why i suddenly feel this way... it's such a weird nostalgia, aching, bittersweet feeling... am i hallucinating? maybe. maybe my soul knows something i don't... or perhaps i am just feeling the effects of certain neurotransmitters that need to stop reuptaking.

it's the end of the weekend. not that my weekend was fantastic or anything, but there is certainly a hiding quality about it. all day, i am cooped up in my room or apartment, doing ochem problems and venturing out to grab some food. It was really nice how my mom visited today and brought me a bunch of (much needed) stuff. Thank you Mimi for the nice shirt! I feel so elegant in it! :D

right now, my philosophy toward school is to treat it like: come what may. I am not going to put myself through extreme mental pain... sure i'll stress as much as anyone, but i will always consider the long-term aspects of my current suffering pwaahhaa. I remember thinking how high school is a breeze! compared to the toughness of college.

Future goals: I want to be more understanding of different people... I want to find my passions... maybe I want to fall in love...? tho of course no one can control that. dress better, eat better, and learn how to cook. forge strong relationships with awesome ppl... learn for my own sake, not for my mom's or anyone's sake. just do it because i want to and i can.... keep on probing and wanting to learn more about the world around me.

Above all, I want to be conscious enough to take time and appreciate the moment... because once it passes, it's gone... and then you're left with a nostalgic, faint fragrance of a moment too far flung to be retrieved.

watchmen must be on my mind. FYI: I want to be "you just lost the game" for halloween. haha.
it's the simplest costume ever! hahaa i can just wear my SciOly shirt and that will be it.


Spread the peace like honey on the heart.

Sun Peeking Through the Clouds

Hello!

These past two weeks have been the most work-intensive in my short little life. Yes, almost every weekday nite I stayed up until 2-4 am studying or finishing up work.... I was seriously lifeless with all the chem lab reports and essay and quizzes/exams to take care of.... now i think life is looking merrier once more...

sungod was amazing. at first when i went in the afternoon it was really boring... sorry, but iron and wine kinda puts me to sleep. after a few hours, my friend and i returned to hear sara bareilles... omg she is SO GOOD LIVE!!!! Her voice is so rich and warm and sweeet and comforting... and her personality is so quirky and funny too... yea and then we watched kaba modern, which was nothing short of impressive... makes me wanna join a crew or something... haha in my dreams... my coordination is really off the charts. My FAVORTIE part of the night was dancing as if the world was crashing down while Girltalk DJ-ed.... i felt so free... seriously i think dancing releases the "crazy" me... yea i think my ucsd friends were surprised at my wild dancing hahaha...

sungod was a beautiful way to celebrate my two long tough weeeks... i look forward to relaxing more this weekend and the following weeks (i hope)...

overall this quarter has been going pretty well... staying fit and active is undoubtedly a major part... i think i lost some weight and gained some muscle!! Yay!!!

Night

Why do I always like to listen to sad songs at night? Why do I feel especially melancholy and pensive at night? Why do I feel particularly alone?

Korean OSTs from tragic dramas are the best for reflecting my mood... ehehe take stairway to heaven or winter sonata, for example.

Hello Today!

Today I am going to talk about what kind of people inspire me. Please don't read this if you want avoid peanut-buttery sappy yappy talk... haha that's the way I are, foos. Anyways, I realize that those that truly truly inspire me are the selfless, kind people who are always willing to help, even if they are up to their eyeballs full of work/stuff to worry about. They always are open and willing to talk, about anything really... and don't blow you off to attend to more "important" matters. Yes, it's funny how the selfless people are those that put most their attentions toward making others feel special and important...

I slowly realized that it doesn't matter how smart or rich or pretty you are if your character doesn't hold up. Eventually, you cannot hide who you are... your good and bad points will sift through and be exposed to those around you (those that stick around long enough/are forced to be with you long enough). I am truly awed by those who can maintain their honest, genuine goodness. It takes a lot of work to keep being as nice as you seem to be when people first meet you!! Yet it is this adherence to higher standards that really makes the world a happier, healthier place.

Thank you to all the people who have inspired me throught your selflessness! You know who you are! (btw, these kinds of people are EXTREMELY hard to find... that's why when you find someone like this, you grab onto him or her and hold on tight! These are the true gems in life.)

I got this pick from A Cup of Jo... I don't know where Joanna Goddard got it from, but I really like this girl's elegant bob and sweet simple wedding dress... what a dream~

a feeling...

I am sitting here drinking nestle hot chocolate and eating graham sticks. last nite, I devoured more than my fair share of graham sticks dipped in homemade strawberry jam... what is it with graham sticks? They are probably one of the best comfort foods all around, and apparently I am always lacking comfort... strange how psychology and food blend together... right now I am investigating why feeling stressed/lonely/scared/just plain bad provokes people (including me) to eat and eat and eat... My friend and I are still struggling with this funny question. I think it has to do with not confronting the problem and instead using food as some means of allayment (I know this is not a real word, but I like to make up words).

Right now, I tell myself I cannot eat anything except gum, water, cough drops, breath mints, after 7 pm. Of course, these rules aren't set in stone, but generally, they help me stop eating late at nite, (very unhealthy).

darn i keep getting bloody noses!!! like twice a day!! i think i need to go see a doctor.

I really don't know what to write, but since I feel like I should at least make use of this blog, I will come up with something lame... haha... hmm I really enjoy fashion but I feel that I cannot dress fashionably for some reason... could I be too scared to try new outfits? too uncreative? seriously i've been wearing the same old outfits in a vicious cycle... when I see lovely bloggers like karla or lulu or susie just making rainbows in their outfits, I feel so inspired to try it myself, but yes, I always revert back to: plain shirt (haha i just typed "palin shirt"), old jeans, and old shoes...

Hmm sometimes i think i don't want to stand out too much, but I still am looking for my sense of style, ya know? Haha this lil post sounds very insecure and dumb, but just wanted to put it out there... anyone feel the same way?

what's ironic is that i spend almost all my time online reading through fashion blogs... i bet no one who takes a glance at me can guess that I am actually really interested in fashion... haha...

i think now my view on fashion is that it is a sort of magnetizing, rapidly changing, versatile, and completely relevant art form... i've noticed that a lot of fashion has to do with being able to afford the clothes and accessories... which is depressing because many young people who are interested in fashion do not have much funds. So, yes i really really admire those who can pull off a great look very inexpensively... oh but how it aches when you want that designer bag/shirt/jewelry item that is loved by the fashion world... i feel that there are two fashion realms: the designer world, populated by editors and models and rich fashionable folks, and then the eclectic world, full of ordinary people who dress extraordinarily out of whatever fascinating tidbits they collected through family, thrift stores, friends, or exotic places all over the world...

Most people are either in Designer Realm or Eclectic World, but a select few can hop and meld both worlds together poetically well... like: Kristin and Val, Karla, Rumi, Tavi... ah, their blogs are inspiring!

Oh I forgot to add: The DIY Land! Yesssss this is one of the more fabulous lands to be... the most creative and original fashionistas inhabit this area! I think most ppl in Eclectic World also enjoy a good amount of time here too...

Of course, of course, there are those who can afford and pull off designer duds very well... heck, designers themselves make their own lavish clothes!

Wow this is a long post... very random too... hmm i will let you know what other stuff seems to float in mind... ahh i really need to start actively dressing! laziness is no good... but so easy! i think another reason why i don't "go for it" in dressing is that i am very self-conscious about my body... yes you are prob rolling your eyes, but it's true! I am not that satisfied with baring my legs/any other body part that often... but now, I am getting braver haha! another thing, I am very very practical... since i have to walk so much around campus, I usually wear flip flops or good ol' sneakers... I cannot imagine marching around in my ballet flats or boots, which are both very flat shoes, but in terms of comfort, inferior. Sigh. Is there any sort of solution?

Well off to bed for me... I am going to go to physics lecture tomolo... I am going to make myself wake up!!!